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Bond Villian Office suplies

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The other week Miss Vicki and I went to see SPECTRE, and maybe it’s my age, but while I enjoyed the film, later on I felt that a lot of the film was trying its hardest to dig up 1960s bond memes

Hey remember Bond drove an Aston Martin? Quick chuck in an Aston Martin – quick!

Hey, remember how cool all the voodoo stuff was in Live and Let die? here’s a sequence at the Mexican Day of the dead for no reason whatsoever

Hey remember the crap flirting between bond and Moneypenny, that somehow looks sexist in a modern society? SHAZAM- it’s back Baby!

Hey remember that sometimes Bond villains wore Mao suits or Nehru jackets?  let’s do it!

Hey remember how bond villains used to have rooms full of henchmen operating machinery? yeah chuck a high-tech headquarters in there

Well here at the Bunker we have wings of high-tech machines that go ping and are operated by legions of guys in overalls and hard hats so we know a thing or two about  running an underground base, so I thought it would be fun if I dug out this months copy of ‘Lairs and Bunkers’

lairs and bunkersNovember2015

Latest copy of Lairs & Bunkers

and look at some of the reviews inside:

 


Name

The Death Star


Aesthetic

classic with full on retro 70s stylings, with occasional swathes of red which is a welcome relief. Everything here is a monochromatic nightmare. Granted it can destroy a planet, but sheesh!


Henchmen

The word here is variety, there are lots of different styles of Henchmen White plated storm troopers, Black plated TIE fighter pilots grey officers all suited and booted with a certain Nazi stylings chuck into the mix the black-robed Emperor, and Darth Vader. However having lots of different Henchmen does not make up for the fact that yet again everything is GREY! it’s a mercy that imperial guards are crimson, because otherwise I might think I was watching a black and white film.


Health & Safety

Well, where to begin with this? The layout of the Death Star seems wildly illogical, the station seems to be hollow, with the most dangerous explosion-causing device (the main reactor) situated in the dead centre of the facility. This means that an explosion will destroy the whole facility. Whereas positioning the reactor off-centre would only destroy a section of the facility, and would allow the henchmen time to get to escape pods. The designers for the death star also thought that having long bottomless shafts without handrails was a perfectly acceptable way to design an interior along with doors that operate bridges. This is important if you are a storm trooper, you can surely not see much in that helmet and the reduced visibility will only lead to more accidents, which is a damming indictment of what is a government facility.


Overall Score


8


Verdict

Don’t Believe the hype. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of a work place free from tripping hazards and bottomless pits.


Name

Joker’s Lair – Batman


Aesthetic

Vivid bright colours and circus memorabilia all over the place, there are very few Lairs that accurately reflect the personality of their owner, The Joker takes every lair he has and makes it something totally unique. But here’s the problem: Any city planner worth their salt would simply devise a scheme where a wealthy philanthropist, like Bruce Wayne, could buy up all the disused joke shops, factories that made goods for joke shops or derelict fun fairs and turn them into affordable homes, reducing the number of potential lairs for the joker, it also makes him very easy to find.  The point of a secret lair is that its secret.  If batman can guess where you live and he’s right 9 times out of 10, then maybe its time to think about changing your property M.O.


Henchmen

Depends, Sometimes the joker opts for normal hoodlums and gives then cars to match his colour-scheme, sometimes he demands they actually dress like clowns, and some days he simply hires a lot of hoodlums and kills them off during the heist! Capriciousness. This makes for a stress filled working environment, No doubt an average henchman’s locker will be crammed depending on the mood of the joker, or if it’s dress-down Friday.


Health & Safety

Structurally, The Joker’s lairs seem sound, if not a little dilapidated. They have all variety of exploding props and things with spring-loaded hidden blades that can cause problems. There is also the possibility you will be sacrificed by your boss just for a punchline.


Overall Score


8


Verdict

The Joker’s lair is surprisingly well laid out with a consistent aesthetic.  High turnover of staff however will cause problems for the continued smooth running of the lair.


Name

V’s Lair – (V for Vendetta)


Aesthetic

As a contrast to most of the lairs on the list, V’s lair is can be described as a Man-cave for the intelligent man. Expect to see priceless works of art hanging on the wall next to a Wurlitzer jukebox , books stacked ceiling high and a copy of the Count of Monte Cristo on DVD.


Henchmen

None, This is a solitary place, a refuge from the world.  The last thing V needs is a house guest – if you do find yourself his guest, expect to stay for at least a year.

Health & Safety

There is very little wrong with V’s lair, probably the only thing V would need to worry about would be to make sure that his central heating boiler is serviced regularly, as with no windows, any build up of carbon monoxide could prove fatal. On the plus side the lair does come with its own tube train and track – only 1 destination – but it beats walking, and do you know how much property prices are in London these days?


Overall Score


9


Verdict

A place for quiet reflection, the overall feeling from this lair is of overstuffed wing back chairs, some Vivaldi or Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background and some dusty tome to read, accompanied by a cheeky red wine.

Well that was quite interesting, I’ll probably grab the next issue and print some of them out too.

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